Confidence

Growing up, I remember not feeling very confident in myself and also quite shy. I had stage fright and often told “you should be more outgoing.” Needless to say, the prodding words of my parents and others around me never seemed to help my confidence. 😏

This week, our middle child tested for his new Taekwondo belt. 🤗 The entire week leading up to belt promotion he was so excited. The day came. He was ready, fed, and happy. He got on to the mat and listened closely to the testing instructions.

Confidence doesn’t always look pretty

About ten minutes into his test, seemingly out of no where, tears started falling down his little cheeks. I don’t know what overcame him, but it reminded me of when I had stage fright and test anxiety. So I thought, “maybe he’s was having the same anxious feelings I used to have.” After a quick conversation it turned out he wanted his big brother to be with him.

One of the things we love about our Taekwondo school is the character development they do with our kids. During our conversation I reminded my son what his teachers have taught him about the meaning of confidence — a “Yes I Can” attitude.

Big brother came and watched and cheered him on. Middle cub went back on the mat and finished with confidence. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then, it was time to receive his belt (or so we thought).

The head instructor asked to talk to me before he passed out the belts. He told me that our middle cub wouldn’t be receiving his belt because he missed the first two hand techniques while I was consoling him. My mama’s heart sank. 🙎🏻‍♀️😔 How was I going to tell him after he so confidently went back on and was so excited to finish and receive his belt? We waited a minute as his class mates names were called. Finally he asked, “Mom, why haven’t they called my name yet?”

Another deep breath. 

“Oh buddy, remember when you started tearing up and mommy pulled you aside to talk to you for a bit?”

“Yeah” 

“You missed two techniques that you were supposed to do during that time. So you won’t be receiving your belt today, but you’ll get another chance tomorrow to try again.”

“But Mom, I went back on the mat! I finished my test!”

“I know honey, but it’s like missing part of the test. I’m so sorry buddy.” 

As I held him tight, tears started streaming down his face again, but this time even harder. 😭😭😭 His face turned red. He was feeling some combination of sad, mad and frustrated all at the same time. 😫😠

Needless to say, I had not envisioned the evening turning out like this. As always, God has His reasons and timing.

That night there was a lot of consoling and cuddling. 👩‍👦 Big brother was encouraging him and reminding him that he could try again the next day. Big brother was taking his “Man of the house” role seriously while Daddy was away on a business trip. We prayed together and they went to sleep. I had to pray for my own momma’s heart as well. I had so many different emotions going on for my little cub. 🙇🏻‍♀️

Confidence building!

The next day I thought he would wake up sad and not want to go back for re-testing at Taekwondo. Unexpectedly, he woke up in a great mood! One of the first things he said was “I can test again today and get my new belt!” Praise the Lord for his attitude change! 😄🙌🏼

His mercies are new every morning! (Lamentations 3:22-23)

If my heart had different colors, it became a bright yellow, full of joy and happiness for him and his positive outlook. 🤩

After he came back from school that day, we spent some time playing and getting ready in his taekwondo uniform. This day it was even a later test so I made sure he took a quick nap in the car and ate right before.

As an added bonus, it was his turn to bring home “Pebbles” his classroom pet, which made his day as well. He said Pebbles could come watch him test today! 🤗😄 So of course we brought him!

We headed into the martial art school, made sure all his gear was on and that he was set. He got on that mat and was ready! He looked over and made sure Pebbles was watching. 😅 We cheered him on and he had a big smile on his face. Confidence had filled him and he knew he could overcome his fears.

He tested for an hour and then the time came. Would he receive his belt? Or not? We waited and then with confidence, his instructor said his name to come up and receive his belt. 😊 I cheered the loudest I have ever cheered. 🎉🤗😄🎉 I teared up, happy tears of course and this time I was the one crying. 😭😄

As much as our middle cub has learned his lesson in all this – to keep trying and not give up, to have confidence in who God has made him to be – I, too, grew and learned as a mom and to have confidence that I was made specifically to be his Mama. I love how the Lord teaches us and continues to grow us as moms as we shepherd these little hearts. ❤️

Always learning to be more confident in who the Lord has made me to be,

Journeying with you,

Maxine